Let’s face it , making decisions is hard. Especially ones that totally change the course of your life. And so when I am in the midst of making those big decisions, I talk to God about them, ALOT. But, the hard part comes when I don’t feel like I am hearing a response from Him.
I do know that God speaks in a variety of ways, whether it be through peace we have in our hearts, an off-handed remark from a friend, a wise word from an older person we trust, through a passage of Scripture, our circumstances, etc. But what about when it seems like He is not saying anything?
I have been wanting to go work with Village Schools in Tanzania for years now, but for various commitments and obligations, I wasn’t able to go. Then this year, the timing seemed to be right. At least to me, anyway...But, I really wanted to be sure that this was also God’s timing.
Starting last October, I began the process to go to Tanzania by filling out the application. Each step of the way, I said, “Ok, Father, I am going to move forward with this dream that I think You have given me. If it isn’t the right time, place, organization, whatever, then I trust You will show me”. I know from experience that God doesn’t always show or confirm or next step until we have finished the step we are currently taking. (This makes for a fun game when you are answering the number one question at your college graduation: So what are you going to do next? I really wanted to get a shirt that said “Please don’t ask, cause I don’t know” just to avoid the conversation altogether)
My first positive sign is that in November I got accepted to go work with Village Schools. Alright! That gave me confidence to keep moving forward with plans. Things were looking good. That is until I hit my first major roadblock this week: :my school district denied my request for a leave of absence for next year. I was a bit surprised since I talked to several people at work about the process and they felt confident that I would get approved. Well, apparently not.
I called human resources to find out more about why they denied my request. In short, they are concerned about the fact that I will be in another country and extremely hard to get in touch with. They have someone on leave this year who is out of the country and that person has not verified that they are coming back next year. This puts HR in a tough spot because legally they are supposed to have a position for this person but HR doesn’t actually know if they are, in fact, coming back. HR gave me some suggestions on how to revise my request (such as a statement promising I will communicate about my intent to return by March 1, 014 and if they don’t hear from me then I resign my position) and they would reconsider.
That night, I really had a discussion with God. “Ok, Lord. I have moved forward with plans, asking You to stop me if this is not right. So, are you stopping me? Am I supposed to stay at Westmont HS another year?” Then I heard Him. It was HIs quiet yet confident voice I sensed in my spirit that said, “I am sending you”. Then I knew, regardless of what my district decides about my leave of absence and whatever other hurdles may come up, I am to go to Tanzania.
Wow, it is so nice to finally have that assurance! Thank You Papa!
Funny that I can only write an entry called “When God is silent” once I feel that God has spoken..
Perhaps, He does know the right time to speak up!
