Transitions

I like change. Even though it can be terrifying to step into the unknown, I do like it. Yet, I have tendency to want to jump ahead to what is coming up without really processing what I am leaving behind. Isn't it easier that way?

A few weeks ago I went to the Young Adult retreat with the Vineyard church and went to the session led by Alex VanRiesen called "Transitions". He shared about William Bridges' book creatively titled Transitions.  Bridges points out that every transition has three stages 1) an ending 2) a neutral zone and 3) a beginning. Honestly, my first reaction was "Well, duh! When you go through a change, something has to end and something has to begin." and I glossed over the notion of the neutral zone (which as it turns out, is what many of us tend to do when we actually go through transitions). Reality is, the neutral zone is a viable step in making a healthy transition. The neutral zone is where we give ourselves the space and time for our internal reality to catch up and/or respond to the changes in external events/circumstances. 

Even though initially I didn't really want to go to this break-out session, I am grateful that I did go. (My thought process went like this: "I am excited to go to Tanzania and I feel like I am ready for this change. I am not really sure I am going to get anything useful out of this session." Ah, human pride, there I go again thinking I know everything already!) The conversations we had in that session reframed my thinking  and spurred me to be intentional about facing the upcoming transition. It is pretty obvious where the three stages line up for me.  My ending is coming with the end of four years of teaching at Westmont High School as well as moving out of the apartment I have lived in during that time. My neutral zone is the two months that I have staying with family and friends in Colorado. My beginning is going to teach in Tanzania. 

To be honest. this ending has been much rougher than I anticipated. As much as I want to go and as much as I know that now is the right time to go, I do have a hard time leaving somethings behind. There have been mornings that I have been nauseous and feel like throwing up, there have been times that I drive to work crying, and there are other times that I am in flat out denial that anything is going to be different. When I spend time thinking about all the friendships and the people that I won't get to see on a regular basis, I become overwhelmed to the point that I can't do anything. It helps me to know that this is normal and that I need to give credence to these feelings. In fact, that it is much healthier that I am letting these feelings come out at the right time! 

What has been remarkable is to see how God has brought different people at the right moment to help me process my feelings. For example, one morning I was in the denial stage and trying to suppress everything when one of my friends looked me in the eye and said "Lindsey, I feel like I need to say this prayer over you." The words that the Spirit gave her to say touched on many of my emotions that I had buried deep and it all came bubbling up. Another morning, I was feeling incredibly lonely and sad and that is the morning that one of my closest teaching friends came by my room early in the day and gave me a hand-knitted scarf she had made for me and we made plans for dinner that evening. God has been so good at bringing people to encourage me and walk me through this change. 

In order for there to be a beginning, there has to be an ending. Let this be an ending that ends well!

Papa, I thank You for transitions.I thank You that You are the one who designed change and that change is healthy. I thank You for Jesus who went through the biggest transition on the cross and because of that transition from death to life, we have access to You. You are the best Guide during these transitions and I thank You for the wisdom and support You have given me!

Don't Hold Back

I thought I went home to Colorado for my friend’s wedding but I think God  actually arranged it for me to go so I could meet Marilyn, a woman in her seventies (I think)  who is quite witty and also happened to be a missionary in Tanzania for twenty years.

I only talked to Marilyn for about fifteen minutes or so, but her words were incredibly timely and just the encouragement I needed to hear. I met Marilyn at fundraiser for a non-profit called Footprints across Africa that conveniently happened to be the same night as I was staying with my friends Lauren and Travis in Denver. So we decided to go.

One of the first things Marilyn said to me when she learned that I would be teaching in Tanzania next year is, “Don’t hold back. When you give everything you can to the people, they will welcome you into their community.” Wow - talk about striking me at the core of my heart. As a naturally reserved person, my default is to hold back. And it is something that I have thought, even worried about. How am I going to open up to my Tanzanian neighbors, colleagues, and students while immersed in a culture so different than my own and I want to pull back and hide rather put myself out there? Hearing these words from someone who has lived and worked in Tanzania, who knows the Tanzanian people, has sunk deep into my heart. I pray that those words will reverberate in my head at the precise moments next year when I want to hide.  Instead, by God’s grace and strength, I will chose to take the risk and not hold back.  I mean let’s face it, as hard as it can be to overcome your fears, life is a lot more fun when you don't hold back!

It is amazing how a few minutes with a total stranger can bring such deep peace about one of the biggest decisions in my life. I will be honest, there are times that I watch as my friends and peers have gotten married, bought a house, and are now in the baby stage, that I feel like I totally missed the boat on the American Dream or that I am forever stunted in the growing process called life and I will not get to experience those things. But then again, I remember in college when my friends were talking about the type of dishwasher they wanted in their dream house, I was dreaming about living in the jungle in Africa. Talking with Marilyn  who not only gets, but has lived, the Adventure dream in Africa has helped me to see that I am doing what I was called to do. I will get to live the Adventure Dream and I am trusting that marriage and kids will come with it. I just may not get house with white picket face and the latest dishwasher, but you know what I am ok with that. Especially if my dishwasher is not a thing but a person, one who becomes my close friend and prayer buddy =)

Thank you, Papa, for connecting me with Marilyn at a time I really needed to hear that. You are so good and Your timing is perfect!