When Parallel Lives Cross

One of the things that fascinates me is the number of people I pass by everyday but never meet. Take those moments in time where our lives are in parallel: the fifty year old woman passing by me in the aisle at Trader Joes, the young mom with the fussy two year old at the table next to me in Chipotle, the businessman on a conference call sitting next to me in traffic on I-25. For that brief moment of time we are in the same place having a common experience and yet, I know nothing about them, the journey that brought them to that moment, be it the success of getting a pay raise that week, the guy that broke her heart last month,  the concern for his mom who is getting chemo treatment. I don’t even know their names.  In those brief moments, there are incredible stories of adventure and heartbreak passing by me and I never ever get to hear them.

 

Picture from http://danielleclarepomorski.wordpress.com/2013/01/23/i-grew-up-on-a-railroad-track/

Then there are those moments where the person in parallel breaks in and intersects your life. Take this past Friday,  for example. I was at the Caltrain station buying my ticket to get to San Mateo. I was tuned out listening to a Graham Cooke podcast: hearing aids out and headphones in. I was in the zone to check out of fast-paced life of San Francisco and tune into the wise, soothing fatherly voice with a British accent. At the moment, a middle-aged black guy comes up and asks for money. I was annoyed. One) I didn’t feel like listening to anyone at that moment other than Cooke and two) I didn’t want to miss my train. So how did I respond? “I can’t hear you.” I told him. Which is true, for the most part. He was miffed and by lip reading and his gestures, I could tell he was saying that I was lying and that I was tuning him out by my headphones – all I needed to do was pull them out of my ears. When someone accuses me of lying, i.e. essentially attacking my character, I get defensive. I seized this as a teaching moment – that despite his past experiences, not all people are determined to ignore him or blow him off, and that I for one, was telling the truth. I was deliberate in pulling out my headphones and saying “I still can’t hear you” and then putting in my hearing aids and saying “Ok, now I can hear you. What do you need?”  He was a bit startled as he watched me put the hearing aids and he registered that I was telling the truth. “I need to get to zone 3,” he responded. Now here is what I find intriguing. I believe how we treat the poor and needy as well as what we do under pressure speaks volumes about who we are deep down. It is really interesting to face both at the same instance.  So what did I do? I told him I can’t get him a ticket but I gave him five dollars, knowing full well that amount would get him to zone 2 and not zone 3, and hurried to catch the train.

That interaction has been with me the past several days. Why did I give him money? Well, I think it was because I wanted to follow up the idea that not only am I truthful woman, I am a generous person. But why only $5? Not really sure, other than I don’t really like to give money to those on the street, I much prefer giving them a nutragrain bar or socks. Is he really going to buy a ticket or is it a ploy to buy his next bottle of whiskey? I really have no idea. So if I were to take that brief interaction where our lives intersected and put it into slow motion and be able to think through it more thoroughly. what would I have done differently? 

Here is one possible scenario:

This starts after I have taken my headphones out and my hearing aids in:

Me: “What’s your name?”

George: “George.”

Me: “Hi George. Nice to meet you, my name is Lindsey. Now what do you need?”

G: “I need to get to zone 3.”

Me: “Ok, nice. Why do you need to get to zone 3?”

G:”I am trying to meet up with my sister.”

Me: “Oh that is good. It is important to spend time with your sister. Why are you going to see her today in particular?”

G: “She just had a doctor’s appointment and I would like to be there to comfort her.”

Me: “Ok, well, George, I am happy to help and buy your ticket to zone three. Would you be willing to do me a favor in return?”

G: “What’s that?”

Me: “Sit next to me on the train and share with me more about your story. I would like to hear more about what it was like for you and your sister growing up. “

Now at this point, it would be really interesting to see how George responds. If he was just trying to get whiskey, he most likely would turn it down. But if he really wanted to go see his sister or even if he was just trying to go to zone three, he would probably take me up on it.

Now some of you are thinking, Lindsey are you crazy? That could be really dangerous! Yes, he is total stranger and he may be totally unstable. But we are on the Caltrain which is totally public place with lots of people around. Furthermore, I believe people, including homeless or poor people, pick up on it when a person has a genuine interest in them and for the most part, respond positively to that. I think that is why Jesus stood out so much. He is the most authentic, genuine person who ever walked the planet and people knew it. He had compassion on the multitude. Not everyone liked him or agreed with him, but those who really listening, knew He was for real. Because I walk with Jesus, I believe that He cultivates that same quality in me. Am I willing to put it to use in a situation like this?

It will be interesting to go to Tanzania. Right now our lives are skew- a geometry term for lines that are in different planes and never intersect. 

There are millions of people in Tanzania who live in a completely different plane than me. They get their water out of the well, I get mine out of the faucet. They get their food from their backyard garden, I get mine from the big box chain store. They read in the glow of candlelight, I read in the glare of my computer screen. But very soon, I will be the one crossing over, intersecting my life with theirs, especially in that moment of need. When I need help finding out where to buy beans or where to get soap. will they be willing to stop and give me a few moment of their time? I sure hope so. Perhaps, they will also ask to hear my story in return.

  

There's no place like home

Going home has been the theme this week. Today is my last full day in California and I have been in the midst of the joys of packing, cleaning, and saying goodbye to people. Tomorrow I am going home. Or I say that simply because Colorado has always been home to me.

Pikes Peak and Garden of the Gods
The iconic symbols of home for me!

But the bigger message I have been getting this week is that I am going home to Tanzania. Odd sensation given that I really have only been there for a  few weeks of my lifetime. How can it be home? I have no family there, I don't really know the language or the culture. What makes a home a home?

My friend Nathan came up to me at our last small group and he said to me. "Lindsey as we were praying for you tonight, I could just see you in Tanzania, all smiling and happy. It was like you were home. Tanzania is the home you haven't had yet". I can't even describe the impact those words had on me. Those words flooded me with confidence and assurance that I am moving forward in the right direction. Sure there will be challenging days with cultural faux paus, the frustration of not having the conveniences of running water and my smart phone, of feeling like I don't really understand what is happening around me. Yet, I have nothing to fear because I am choosing to walk into this community and call them family. Yes, I will be going home because that is where my heart is. 

It is also great how God reinforces a message even in silly social miscommunications. Like the other night when Kara and I went out to fondue, our conversation with the waiter went something like this:

Waiter: "So what is the occasion you are celebrating tonight"
Me: "We are both moving and this is our last hurrah."
Waiter: "Oh, where are you moving to?"
Me: "Kara is going to Boston and I am going to Tanzania."
Waiter: "Oh that is nice." His tone is such a way as that is the most routine thing for people to up and leave to go to Africa. As he leaves our table he says to me, "There is no place like home."
My response, which I don't think he heard: "Sure, if you call going to Africa, going home."

Kara and I just look at each other perplexed and amused and start laughing. Well, I guess I like the way he thinks.

 A short while later, he swings by with some flyers and states "I don't know if they have a Melting Pot in Boston or in Kansas, but if they do, you can sign up to be a club member and get coupons and discounts."

He leaves and I look at Kara, confused. "Kansas? Where did he get Kansas?" At this point it clicks - he thought I had said I was moving to Kansas, not Tanzania. Hence the reference to Dorothy's most famous line from  Wizard of Oz. Oh man, Kara and I had a good laugh over this. How does the word Kansas even sound like the word Tanzania?

But, even so, it was an uncanny conversation in light of everything else that has been going on this week. I appreciate God's grace in the midst of this big transition and helping me sort through all my feelings and emotions about the unknown future. These minor interactions have been the gentle light reinforcing the path I am on.  I am embracing the ruby red slippers, clicking them and look ahead to Tanzania and saying:  "There is no place like home. There is no place like home. There is no place like home!"

Transitions

I like change. Even though it can be terrifying to step into the unknown, I do like it. Yet, I have tendency to want to jump ahead to what is coming up without really processing what I am leaving behind. Isn't it easier that way?

A few weeks ago I went to the Young Adult retreat with the Vineyard church and went to the session led by Alex VanRiesen called "Transitions". He shared about William Bridges' book creatively titled Transitions.  Bridges points out that every transition has three stages 1) an ending 2) a neutral zone and 3) a beginning. Honestly, my first reaction was "Well, duh! When you go through a change, something has to end and something has to begin." and I glossed over the notion of the neutral zone (which as it turns out, is what many of us tend to do when we actually go through transitions). Reality is, the neutral zone is a viable step in making a healthy transition. The neutral zone is where we give ourselves the space and time for our internal reality to catch up and/or respond to the changes in external events/circumstances. 

Even though initially I didn't really want to go to this break-out session, I am grateful that I did go. (My thought process went like this: "I am excited to go to Tanzania and I feel like I am ready for this change. I am not really sure I am going to get anything useful out of this session." Ah, human pride, there I go again thinking I know everything already!) The conversations we had in that session reframed my thinking  and spurred me to be intentional about facing the upcoming transition. It is pretty obvious where the three stages line up for me.  My ending is coming with the end of four years of teaching at Westmont High School as well as moving out of the apartment I have lived in during that time. My neutral zone is the two months that I have staying with family and friends in Colorado. My beginning is going to teach in Tanzania. 

To be honest. this ending has been much rougher than I anticipated. As much as I want to go and as much as I know that now is the right time to go, I do have a hard time leaving somethings behind. There have been mornings that I have been nauseous and feel like throwing up, there have been times that I drive to work crying, and there are other times that I am in flat out denial that anything is going to be different. When I spend time thinking about all the friendships and the people that I won't get to see on a regular basis, I become overwhelmed to the point that I can't do anything. It helps me to know that this is normal and that I need to give credence to these feelings. In fact, that it is much healthier that I am letting these feelings come out at the right time! 

What has been remarkable is to see how God has brought different people at the right moment to help me process my feelings. For example, one morning I was in the denial stage and trying to suppress everything when one of my friends looked me in the eye and said "Lindsey, I feel like I need to say this prayer over you." The words that the Spirit gave her to say touched on many of my emotions that I had buried deep and it all came bubbling up. Another morning, I was feeling incredibly lonely and sad and that is the morning that one of my closest teaching friends came by my room early in the day and gave me a hand-knitted scarf she had made for me and we made plans for dinner that evening. God has been so good at bringing people to encourage me and walk me through this change. 

In order for there to be a beginning, there has to be an ending. Let this be an ending that ends well!

Papa, I thank You for transitions.I thank You that You are the one who designed change and that change is healthy. I thank You for Jesus who went through the biggest transition on the cross and because of that transition from death to life, we have access to You. You are the best Guide during these transitions and I thank You for the wisdom and support You have given me!

Don't Hold Back

I thought I went home to Colorado for my friend’s wedding but I think God  actually arranged it for me to go so I could meet Marilyn, a woman in her seventies (I think)  who is quite witty and also happened to be a missionary in Tanzania for twenty years.

I only talked to Marilyn for about fifteen minutes or so, but her words were incredibly timely and just the encouragement I needed to hear. I met Marilyn at fundraiser for a non-profit called Footprints across Africa that conveniently happened to be the same night as I was staying with my friends Lauren and Travis in Denver. So we decided to go.

One of the first things Marilyn said to me when she learned that I would be teaching in Tanzania next year is, “Don’t hold back. When you give everything you can to the people, they will welcome you into their community.” Wow - talk about striking me at the core of my heart. As a naturally reserved person, my default is to hold back. And it is something that I have thought, even worried about. How am I going to open up to my Tanzanian neighbors, colleagues, and students while immersed in a culture so different than my own and I want to pull back and hide rather put myself out there? Hearing these words from someone who has lived and worked in Tanzania, who knows the Tanzanian people, has sunk deep into my heart. I pray that those words will reverberate in my head at the precise moments next year when I want to hide.  Instead, by God’s grace and strength, I will chose to take the risk and not hold back.  I mean let’s face it, as hard as it can be to overcome your fears, life is a lot more fun when you don't hold back!

It is amazing how a few minutes with a total stranger can bring such deep peace about one of the biggest decisions in my life. I will be honest, there are times that I watch as my friends and peers have gotten married, bought a house, and are now in the baby stage, that I feel like I totally missed the boat on the American Dream or that I am forever stunted in the growing process called life and I will not get to experience those things. But then again, I remember in college when my friends were talking about the type of dishwasher they wanted in their dream house, I was dreaming about living in the jungle in Africa. Talking with Marilyn  who not only gets, but has lived, the Adventure dream in Africa has helped me to see that I am doing what I was called to do. I will get to live the Adventure Dream and I am trusting that marriage and kids will come with it. I just may not get house with white picket face and the latest dishwasher, but you know what I am ok with that. Especially if my dishwasher is not a thing but a person, one who becomes my close friend and prayer buddy =)

Thank you, Papa, for connecting me with Marilyn at a time I really needed to hear that. You are so good and Your timing is perfect!

When God Exceeds our expectations

I don't like talking about money. It is one of those subjects that seems to poke people right in the spot that is tender, whether they have lots of money or don't have any. So no surprise when people ask me about money for my trip to Tanzania, I can get a bit uncomfortable...

I have been learning a ton about myself, my perception of money and how to respond when people ask me if I am getting paid or if I am raising support.

Ok, so the answer is:  I am raising support. But I think a better, more accurate answer is that God is raising support. Here's why:

This morning, my friend asked me about how much I need for the trip. I responded, "I don't need a certain amount in order to go but they have given me an outline of what my living expenses will be while I am there. "

We meet as a group every week to pray and so this friend said, "How about we pray that God provides $15,000 by the end of April."  My first thought was, Jim, are you crazy? by the end of April? How about we pray for that amount by the end of August when I leave for Africa? But what I actually said, "Ok, sure, we can pray for that." Leave it to Jim to see that God really does want to go above and beyond what we think possible, so why not ask for it. 

I went about my day as usual, not really thinking  much more about the conversation and prayer time from this morning. Well, I get home, check my email, and just about fall out of my chair. I have an email from Village Schools, notifying me that I have had several  people donate money on my behalf. I am thinking, "I haven't even really begun to talk to people about the money aspect, much less told them how they can donate to me specifically! How is this possible?" Well, God can work in interesting ways, and He totally exceeds our expectations. Turns out these people donated more than 20% of the total that Jim mentioned this morning, no small chunk of change by any means. It is only the second day of April and the first day I have prayed with other people about the money aspect. And here is 20% of the total already here. Wow, that is quite something!

Papa, I thank You that You are the provider and the reality that money is not a problem for You. Thank You for taking care of us so wonderfully!

When God is Silent

Let’s face it , making decisions is hard. Especially ones that totally change the course of your life. And so when I am in the midst of making those big decisions, I talk to God about them, ALOT. But, the hard part comes when I don’t feel like I am hearing a response from Him.

I do know that God speaks in a variety of ways, whether it be through peace we have in our hearts, an off-handed remark from a friend, a wise word from an older person we trust, through a passage of Scripture, our circumstances, etc. But what about when it seems like He is not saying anything?

I have been wanting to go work with Village Schools in Tanzania for years now,  but for various commitments and obligations, I wasn’t able to go. Then this year, the timing seemed to be right. At least to me, anyway...But, I really wanted to be sure that this was also God’s timing.

Starting last October, I began the process to go to Tanzania by filling out the application. Each step of the way, I said, “Ok, Father, I am going to move forward with this dream that I think You have given me. If it isn’t the right time, place, organization, whatever, then I trust You will show me”. I know from experience that God doesn’t always show or confirm or next step until we have finished the step we are currently taking. (This makes for a fun game when you are answering the number one question at your college graduation: So what are you going to do next? I really wanted to get a shirt that said “Please don’t ask, cause I don’t know” just to avoid the conversation altogether)

My first positive sign is that in November I got accepted to go work with Village Schools. Alright! That gave me confidence to keep moving forward with plans. Things were looking good. That is until I hit my first major roadblock this week: :my school district denied my request for a leave of absence for next year. I was a bit surprised since I talked to several people at work about the process and they felt confident that I would get approved. Well, apparently not.

I called human resources to find out more about why they denied my request. In short, they are concerned about the fact that I will be in another country and extremely hard to get in touch with. They have someone on leave this year who is out of the country and that person has not verified that they are coming back next year. This puts HR in a tough spot because legally they are supposed to have a position for this person but HR doesn’t actually know if they are, in fact, coming back. HR gave me some suggestions on how to revise my request (such as a statement promising I will communicate about my intent to return by March 1, 014 and if they don’t hear from me then I resign my position) and they would reconsider.

That night, I really had a discussion with God. “Ok, Lord. I have moved forward with plans, asking You to stop me if this is not right. So, are you stopping me? Am I supposed to stay at Westmont HS another year?” Then I heard Him. It was HIs quiet yet confident voice I sensed in my spirit that said,  “I am sending you”. Then I knew, regardless of what my district decides about my leave of absence and whatever other hurdles may come up, I am to go to Tanzania.

Wow, it is so nice to finally have that assurance! Thank You Papa!

Funny that I can only write an entry called “When God is silent” once I feel that God has spoken.. 

Perhaps, He does know the right time to speak up!

What would you give up?

57 years ago today, five men attempted to reach out to the Waodani people in Ecuador and it cost them their lives.

Just a few days before, they had a great interaction with two women and one  man from the Waodani, a tribe known at that time to be incredibly hostile and violent to outsiders.  The men spent several hours together with these guests, sharing gifts, pleasantly trying to communicate with them, and Nate even took the man  in his plane on a short flight over the Waodani village. 

Nate Saint and "George" 

When then did the Waodani people come back only to spear these five men to death?

I have found the stories of these five men, their families, and that of the Waodani people, incredibly fascinating. I have read every book that I could about each of them and seen related movies. It is a story full of adventure, intrigue, and drama. Check out this link for the 1956 Life magazine article detailing the final days of these five men. . Really it is amazing to see how the events unfolded from the Waodani side.  It feels so much like a Latina soap opera. It came down to a guy being jealous that another guy was alone with his girl and so he rallied up other Waodani to take out their vengeance on the white men who happened to be close by. (Check out the book End of the Spear for the Waodani side of the story)

A tragedy, a pitiful waste of these men’s lives, so unnecessary. Or was it? The one thing that draws me to this story is the total compassion that the five men and their families had for the Waodani. They longed for the Waodani to have freedom from the vicious killing cycles that they were trapped in. They wanted the Waodani to know that they are loved by their Creator, that God wants a relationship with them, and that they can have hope, joy, and peace rather than anger, pain and death.

These five men willingly died so that the Waodani can have life. It is so beautiful to see how the story unfolds beyond that sad day on January 8, 1956. A year later, Nate’s sister Rachel and Jim’s wife and daughter go and live with the tribe, able to live out as a daily examples of what it means to love and not retaliate. The Waodani culture at the time necessitated that if someone in your family was murdered, you would have to go and reciprocate by killing someone in the murderer’s family. Rachel and Elizabeth broke this paradigm by choosing to live with the very people who had killed their brother and husband. As a result, a number of the Waodani decided to break the killing cycle themselves and to learn how to walk the path that Jesus walked.

What seems to be a tragic story actually blossoms into an incredible story of forgiveness, redemption and restoration. Nate’s son and daughter , Steve and Kathy, had the same love for the Waodani that their dad and Aunt Rachel had. They spent their summers with their qunt living with the Waodani. Nine years after their father died, they both chose to be baptized in the same river where their father and the other four men had been murdered. Who baptized them? Kimo, and Dyuwi, two of the Waodani men who had killed their father. Wow, isnt’ that amazing?! It gives me the goosebumps just thinking of the miraculous transformation that happened in all of their lives!

Kathy Saint getting baptised by the men who killed her father.

This story highlights to me that whatever we give to God isn’t taken away from us. Rather it is redeemed and multiplied in a way that revolutionizes lives. The death of these five men brought hope and life not only to the Waodani but to countless others around the world.

This is the story that has planted in me long ago  the desire to be willing to give up  the comforts and security of what I know to go and live in the unknown . Why? Because God takes what you give to Him and returns it to you in a gift that is better than you could have imagined!

What are you willing to give up? You may be blown away at what you get back!

It was one of those moments that will forever be etched in my soul. A glimpse from God’s perspective that would forever alter mine…

I was at church and the song was “Word of God Speak’ by Mercy Me. I had my eyes closed and immersing myself in the song, picturing myself at the top of a mountain scene like this, admiring His majesty in creation.

When all of a sudden the scenery changed on me. 

This time I was standing in a place like this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Refugee_camp_in_Congo_2008.jpeg

I knew I was in a refugee camp somewhere in Africa. The conditions were horrendous  No running water, raw sewage running through open ditches,  not enough food to go around.  Thousands and thousands of people displaced from their homes, uprooted from their lifestyle, with limited possibilities to be productive. Just sit and wait and dwell on the injustices that have transpired.  This was a breeding ground for bitterness, resentment to be turned in to violence and hatred.

In this scene, I am standing with a group of African women, all of whom have been raped while in the refugee camp. They are doing their best to take care of their children, who have been overtaken by disease and hunger. If there is a hopeless place, this has got to be it. Then the lyrics from the song began to narrate the scene:  

Washing my eyes to see

Your majesty

To be still and know

That You're in this place

I sensed God whispering to me  “Even in this midst of this dark and evil place. I am here, My majesty is on display even here. These women can see it even in the midst of their pain and struggle. Can you? Take the time to be still and see me in this place. Let these women show you.”

When the song was over and I came back to my surroundings, I knew that was a God moment. There is no way I could come up with something some profound on my own. It makes no sense in the human perspective but had such a deep significance spiritually. I know many people see Africa as a broken place, as the "Dark Continent". But I will never be able to see Africa that way. If anything, I am on a quest to see what these women see...

2013 - Year of Risk

It hit me today that theme for 2013 is risk. That is taking the step to put myself out there to do something that I am not really comfortable doing. 

 

Take starting this blog for example. I never really realized how private of a person I am until the thought of putting my personal musings on the World Wide Web. What if someone doesn't like it? What if they think its silly? What if they criticize me or attack me for my beliefs? It sure feels safer to keep my thoughts to myself. Yet, I have come to recognize that not everyone is going to like what I have to say. Not everyone is going to agree with me. And that is ok. In fact, it probably even better that way. I think we learn so much from hearing different perspectives. That is why I am taking the risk to put mine out there.

I enjoy asking people what accomplishment they are most proud of. What about you? What accomplishment are you most proud of?

For most people that I have asked, it is not usually something that came easy for them or something that they are naturally good at. Typically, it is something that they struggled with, something that they really had to put time and energy into, something that they had to step outside of their comfort zone to do. Something that was risky for them.

For me, one of the things I am most proud of is sticking with the McBride Honors Program in college. McBride was aimed in equipping engineers to be well-rounded, critical thinkers through reading, writing, and lively discussion of social and ethical topics.  I didn’t mind the reading and discussion aspect but writing for me was torture. I am the slowest, most methodical writer and so being in a program where I had to write at least 2-3 page paper every week along with some bigger term papers, was not exactly thrilling for me. I would rather work on fifty advanced engineering math problems than write a paper. Each week when it came time to write that paper, I thought about quitting instead. I really didn't need to be in those classes to graduate, so why am I doing this? But I stuck with it, and I am so glad I did! It was through McBride that I had some of my favorite college experiences, my favorite classes, and made friendships that will last for a lifetime!

 What would life be like if we didn’t push ourselves out of our comfort zone or take risks? There have been times where I stuck with the easy road. It was nice and comfortable at first but after a while, life started to get dull and dreary. I think we are created to take risks. After all, God is a risk-taker.  Jesus left the comforts and safety of heaven to become human. And it wasn’t all roses and sunshine for Him. Since His birth, He had people determined to murder Him.  He was betrayed by one of his closest friends and forsaken by his other friends at his time of greatest need, he was beaten, whipped, and hung on a cross.  But where would we be if Jesus hadn’t taken the risk?

So I am hoping to take more risks this year. To be willing to take the risk to talk to the person asking for money on the street and hear their story,  to take the risk to stop and pray with a stranger, to take the risk to stop and give my time to someone who really needs it even when the to-do list is calling my name, to take the risk to apologize when I am the one in the wrong, to take the risk to do the right thing, not the easy thing, to take the risk of loving those who can’t or won’t love me back.  

What about you? What is something you have dreamed of doing but fear and uncertainty has held you back? Let 2013 be there year where we step out and take the risk! 

As my favorite quote from Jamba Juice says: 

Don't be afraid to go out a limb - that is where the fruit is!